Only Such a Word as is Good for Edification

In the book, Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor, the story is related of how Tom Carson found himself in the middle of a nasty conflict with the president of the denomination.  After pledging their support to raise money for a new congregation Carson was planting, the denomination changed its mind and withheld the money that had come in.  The new church had already paid a down payment on a building and would lose that money if contributions did not come in.  In the end Tom had to borrow another $1000.00(half his annual salary) to keep the deal alive.  At the same time he felt he had to leave the denomination so actually had NO income.

 I write that as background to what I want to share.  Some years later when son, Don (author of this book), was in seminary he heard about all of this for the first time.  He writes,

 So the next time I went home, I brought this matter up.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: I’ve been learning some interesting Baptist history from 1948-1949.

Dad: Oh?

Me: It seems you had a pretty significant part to play.

Dad: What were you told?

So I summarized the events as I understood them…

Dad: I suppose that’s pretty close to what happened.

Me: So how come you never told us kids any of this?

Dad: (after a long pause): There were two reasons.  First, you were children of the manse, and although you have seen the out-working of the gospel, you have also seen more than your share of difficult and ugly things, and we did not think it wise to expose you to this history when you were young.  Second, Marg and I decided we needed to protect our own souls from bitterness.  So we took a vow that neither of us would ever say an unkind thing about T.T. Shields (denominational head).  And we have kept our vow.

 That second reason grabbed me when I first read it and has not let go.  They took a vow not to say an unkind thing against a person that had caused them much hurt!  I find that remarkable.  It is certainly godly.  “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear”  (Ephesians 4:29).  You’ve heard about church members who go home from church on Sundays and have “roast pastor for lunch.”  I’ve been guilty of returning the favour.  What caught my attention even more is their reason was to protect their own souls from bitterness.  I sense a great deal of wisdom in that statement.  We end up hurting ourselves more than the other person when we talk about them behind their backs.  Bitterness eats away at us when we refuse to let go.  It’s a lesson I need to take to heart.

 Grace and peace,

 Dave