It happened again a week ago. Having done my best at preparing my sermon I was not satisfied. It just wasn't clicking for me. I'd be hard pressed to even say what wasn't working, but it just didn't feel right. There have been times when I would start all over on Saturday to try and "fix it." I don't bother anymore. Partly because it never seemed to help; but mostly because I have discovered that when I am least content with a sermon God seems to use it the most. At least that's how I interpret it. The fact is, when I am least happy with a sermon, I get the most positive feedback from the congregation. Perhaps it's just that what doesn't work for me does work for them. I think more likely God is stepping into my weakness and showing His strength in taking my puny thoughts and words and making something worthwhile out of them. I have learned to stop fretting and give Him the glory when that happens.
But I also see a problem in this. My desire is to always be used by God and have Him speak through me. That doesn't always happens to the same degree, but it seems to happen more when I'm less happy with my work. The answer can't be that I should slack off in sermon prep so that God can work more. That makes little sense. What does make sense is prayer. Although I haven't "kept track" I probably end up praying more about the sermon that isn't working than the one I think is pretty good. Isn't that the way most of us are in most things? The more comfortable and confident we are in something, the less we concern ourselves with prayer. The less confident we are, the more we look to God. I need to realize that even when I think I have it altogether, I still need God's power just as much if not more.
Grace and peace,
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